A Whitehead family reunion

It's unfortunate that all the members of our family couldn't be present, but Dad and I hosted a Whitehead family reunion of sorts this weekend. Actually, I don't know that we can really say that Dad and I were hosts; the get-together was in the community room of Dad's condo, but we did little more than that. Our cousins took care of everything else. That's all semantics, of course, and semantics don't matter. What matters is that we were all together for a day and we had a great time.

As I understand, the main reason for the reunion was to celebrate the birthdays of three people: my Uncle Frank and my cousins Ryan and Megan. Uncle Frank turned 82 last week, and both Ryan and Megan are still under 10. We saved the birthday cake for toward the end of the party, and each of the 30-or-so of us enjoyed a piece. The cake was a combination of chocolate and vanilla with white frosting and sure was good. The other food we had, consisting of lunch meat, cheese, fruits, vegetables, and chips, was also good.

It's too bad that most people were only able to spend a day or so with us here in Brookings. But we savored the time we had together and I hope we'll be able to have a similar gathering in the near future.

A new racing season begins

Another season of Sports Car Club of Siouxland is now officially underway. And it feels really, really good to be able to get out and really drive again.

The first event of the season was the test-and-tune autocross yesterday. But I guess one could say the driving school on Saturday really inaugurated the season. There were 30 of us who took part in the school, and others in the SCCS helped out as instructors and course workers during the driving portion of the school. The classroom instruction was good, but being able to apply what we talked about in the classroom was my favorite part. I really feel as though I learned a lot from the school, and running in yesterday's autocross gave me the chance to apply what I've learned.

Yesterday's autocross was a lot of fun; we didn't have as big a turnout as we had for events last year, but I think we still broke even. In the past we've seen more than 50 drivers enter and compete, but we only had 30-something yesterday. That's not bad, of course, but we're hoping attendance will be better at the next event on June 1.

Overall I'm pleased with how I drove today. I'm finally getting used to driving on R-compound tires and to the suspension changes I've made to my car. It's not that the Miata ever handled poorly; it's just that now the Miata drives like a go-kart on the track and feels really, really good. I'm happy I was able to run as good of times as I was able to (72.5 seconds was my best time), and being able to run such times is a real-confidence booster. I now know that I can drive and compete in the pack of other drivers, including those in my class. It's all about having fun, of course - but I want to be competitive, too, especially with others in my class.

Not a whole lot has happened today. I woke up around 8:30 and then had breakfast with Dad at Cook's. I hung out at home for a while and gave the Miata a quick wash in the late morning and early afternoon. And I washed the Miata just in time; a downpour soon followed the conclusion of my car wash. Today's forecast called for showers, but I had no idea it would rain so hard. The rain didn't last long, however, and I spent some time over at Dad's place before heading to see Speed Racer at the theater. The movie was sort of good but ended up not being that involving. It doesn't fall into the category of being a waste of money, but it's not really one of the better movies I've seen of late.

I haven't rested as much today as I should have, especially since it feels like I picked up a cold somewhere along the way. I took some Buckley's a few minutes ago, and I'm hoping it helps with my sore throat and cough. In the meantime, I'm going to work on focusing on taking care of myself and getting back to good health.

Racing season again

I see it's been a couple of weeks since I've last written here. I haven't meant to allow so much time to lapse in between when I last wrote and now. But that's what's happened and now it's time to bring everyone up to speed.

The past few weeks haven't been terribly eventful, but a few key things have happened. I'm happy to report I'm feeling good and that I'm the new president of the Garden Square Homeowners Association. Being elected president is something that surprised me, but overall I'm pleased with the result. I expected to occupy a seat on the board of directors, but didn't plan on becoming president. I think I'll do a good job as president, though, and I'm looking forward to the challenge. My term starts June 1.

Another new thing that's happened recently is I've traded in my existing Roland electronic drums for some updated ones and have also traded my little Yamaha jazz kit in for one of the new Yamaha Stage Custom all-birch drums. I haven't really had a chance to use the new Rolands yet since I need to get a mini-to-quarter-inch adapter for my headphones. But I'm sure I'll play the drums a great deal once I take care of that. I'm also planning to you my new Yamahas and my Pacifics more for rehearsals and gigs now that I have a good set of bags for them.

Our Sports Car Club of Siouxland racing season starts this weekend. We have a driving school, in which I've enrolled, pretty much all day tomorrow. And then the first autocross is on Sunday. Times will be taken Sunday, but no points will be garnered since it's a test-and-tune event. I'm looking forward to seeing how I've progressed as a driver and to see how the Miata will drive differently since making suspension changes to it. This will also be my first season running on race rubber.

It's getting to be late morning now, so I'd better get back to work in getting things ready for the weekend. I'm very happy with how life is coming along now, and I'm looking forward to the good times continuing. Summer is here, it looks like.

A time of renewal

It's been about a week now since this time of renewal has begun. Spring has always been a time of renewal, and I think it's fair to say I've experienced renewals or periods of growth before. But I haven't experienced a feeling of overall, deep, profound well being in a long time. It's a feeling I relish, and I'll do whatever I can to cause it to continue.

A good chunk of the good feelings I've experienced lately stems from good news I've received. For instance, I learned late last week that one of my short stories - the first I've written in years - is going to be published in Ningwakwe Learning Press's first-ever anthology of love stories. Dolly first told me about the press's call for entries about a year ago and I pursued the project with her encouragement. I wrote the story, about 5,000 words in all, and submitted it last year. And I never heard anything further about it.

The other day, Maria Morrison, one of the heads of the press, e-mailed and told me my story was accepted for the anthology and that I would receive two free copies of the book once it's published. I knew that "payment" for having my story accepted would be two copies of the book. What I wasn't expecting was a cash honorarium. Maria told me I will receive $250 for my contribution to the book. And needless to say I'm pretty happy about the news Maria shared with me. It feels really good to receive a good chunk of money for something I produced. More importantly, I'm proud that I'm getting published again and more opportunies are likely to follow.

The biggest positive in my life recently, however, came rather unexpectedly. During an online visit with Dolly last Friday night, I felt kind of agitated - agitated in the sense of feeling that something was building up inside me and needed to come out. Dolly's one of my closest friends, and I've always felt comfortable sharing details of my life with her. But what I shared with her that night was something I'd never really shared with anyone before...even with those to whom I'm the most close. I told her the story of some emotional trauma I suffered at the hands of reputed spiritual people living in the Black Hills and other parts of western South Dakota. I had told parts of that story to Dolly and others before, but I never told her or anyone else about the pain the trauma carried with it. And as an extension of that, I had never before shared with anyone the shame I carried with me since then - shame about what I experienced and about how the experience of being publicly humiliated and browbeaten by these men affected me.

There's no rational reason why I never shared such things with anyone before. Then again, fear is seldom rational. Intellectually, I knew there was nothing to fear. I know there are plenty of people in my life who care about me and who would do anything they could to help me. At the same time, a part of me has always felt safer keeping even close friends and family at arm's length. The reason for that is classic fear of rejection - the fear that those with whom I would share my story would either not understand or would think poorly of me as a result. And I've always worried that such a thing would drive a wedge between me and those whom I would let into my world.

Dolly proved my fears wrong and invalid that night, and I'm forever grateful for that. As she always has, Dolly listened patiently and was content simply to listen to me. I never expected I would feel the way the way I did, but as I was letting go of the pain I've carried around for years, I felt almost light-headed, light-headed in a good way. Nothing I feared would happen in sharing my story occurred, and I've felt remarkably lighter sense. I feel as though the pain and shame have been released, and a major step in my overall healing and wholeness as a human being has come to pass. If anything my relationship with my dear friend is stronger than ever as she knows me better now than she did before. And I feel more confident in being open about my feelings and what's happening in my life because I proved to myself that night that I really can open up and let people in and no harm will come from that. Learning such a concept is one of the greatest gifts I've received in a long time - even in my whole life.

Since that time, I've shared my story with Brian. And I found his response to what I told him was similar to Dolly's response. He listened to me, really listened to me, and was patient and understanding. Brian didn't judge me or look down upon me for what happened to me or what I told him, and I'm grateful for that. And he provided me with another example of how I truly am safe when I'm among friends.

Also since that night when I first told Dolly my tale of trauma, I've felt a profound sense of inner peace that I've seldom felt during other periods of my life. The pain I carried with me for the past four or five years is pretty much gone, and I feel more relaxed overall. I'm more confident now in dealing with other people, and I'm slowly processing and accepting that I truly can trust others and there's no need to fear. There are always times when I know I'll need to use my better judgment in dealing with other people and in figuring out how much to share and let them in. But I'm slowly learning how to trust others again and connect with my loved ones on a deep level.

I'm really riding high right now, and I'm savoring each and every moment of this feeling. And as I said before, it's a feeling I want to cultivate, nurture, and come to know better. At the same time, I suppose I should feel proud of myself for the growth I've experienced even in the past week, and I should be proud of myself in general. Life truly is good and can be great, and I can say that with a smile on my face.