A simple phone call

This morning I decided to go for a walk outdoors following a meeting with my boss. My next appointment wasn't for another hour-and-a-half, so I had time to kill. My original plan had been to walk to the Wellness Center and go for a walk indoors. Today hasn't been that cold, and the warmth and light of the mid-morning sun made the prospect of walking out in nature that much more inviting.

During my walk I had expected to get some exercise and get a healthy dose of Vitamin D by getting some exposure to the sun. What I hadn't expected was that my hike around campus would turn out to be a walking meditation ... a meditation on how acts of kindness, even a simple phone call to say "hi" or to see if one is OK, can be profound.

My thoughts took me to many different times and places during the initial minutes of my walk. My thoughts turned to what my boss and I discussed during our meeting, to my plans to go out of town this weekend, even to when I should change the spark plugs, wires, oil, and transmission and differential fluids in my dad's pickup. The next subject to which my thoughts transitioned surprised me. In spite of ... or maybe because of ... the chill of my environment, my feelings of tiredness, and the intermittent loneliness I've experienced the past several days, my mind took me back to a time nearly nine years ago.

In May of 2001 I was in the thick of recovering from the bone marrow transplant I'd undergone nearly a year prior. By that time I'd already experienced a great deal of physical healing from all of the rounds of chemotherapy and full-body irradiation that had bombarded my body over a period of about nine months. But the psychic wounds I'd suffered still gaped.

The spring and summer of 2001, despite the fact that I had survived one of the most traumatic illnesses and medical procedures one can experience, were probably the darkest times of my life. I don't know if the darkness I experienced was post-traumatic stress disorder or if the cast-aside fear and shock of my leukemia diagnosis in August of 1999 had finally caught up to me. I do know, however, that during that time I was mired in my own personal hell - a personal hell comprising distorted perceptions of reality, months of nights filled with violent, horrific nightmares, and abject feelings of having let down everyone who supported me and cared for me during my ordeal because in my own judgment I hadn't emerged from my illness a wiser, stronger, and better man.

Anyone who knows me - who really knows me - understands that I'm not a man who wears his heart on his sleeve. I tend to be rather guarded, perhaps even secretive, about what's going on inside. It's because of that guardedness that it's often difficult for me to seek help even during times of my most desperate need. Since I was unable or unwilling to seek help without or find healing within, all I could think to do was to escape, to take a ride. "Take a ride" at that time meant jumping in the car and heading for Rapid City, a place of which I'd grown fond by that time in my life. I really had no goal for such a trip apart from hoping that it would provide me with an opportunity to have some fun following the end of the spring semester and help bring me out of my funk.

The first order of business upon my arrival in Rapid City was to get checked into a hotel. At that time I didn't have the traveling endurance I have today, so I was very tired by the time I entered my hotel room and collapsed on the bed. I didn't feel that bad emotionally when I arrived in Rapid City, but I was physically spent.

Not long after I turned on the TV and began to relax after my six-hour, 400+ mile journey, my cell phone rang. I drowsily answered the phone and discovered it was one of my co-workers. He was a co-worker, a man in his mid-40s, whom I'd known for a few years and with whom I'd generally gotten along but was never close. He and I were able to work together well, but our working relationship wasn't terribly friendly. He was a seasoned worker and I was still a college kid, so there were bound to be differences and occasional friction. Given our working relationship I was surprised he called and even more surprised that he knew where I was; I had only told my parents and my boss where I'd gone.

I had never discussed my condition, especially my inner turbulence, with my co-worker. But I can only assume that he sensed from being around me in the days prior that I wasn't in the best state of mind, and that must have concerned him. Thinking back to our phone conversation, I can't remember all the words that passed between us. I don't even remember much of anything about what happened during the remainder of that trip to Rapid City. What I do remember, however, is the fact that this guy, whom I'd never expected to hear from outside of work and much less care about what I was experiencing, called me to make sure I was OK and wanted to know if there was anything he could do to help me. And that simple phone call, that seemingly random act of kindness, is something I'll never forget.

Whereas when I began my walk I felt cold, heavy, and in something of a daze as various thoughts spun around my head, I felt lighter and in better spirits when I finally stepped back into my car after my hike. I felt better because I remembered an instance, one instance out of countless others over the course of my life, when someone extended a helping hand to me even without my asking for it. And I'm grateful I've been reminded of how even the little things in life - a smile, a kind word, a phone call, or an embrace - can make all the difference in the world.

It's been a long time ...

Wow ... I can't believe it's been so long since I've written anything here. There's no good reason for my lack of text. Laziness is the only explanation I can come up with. There's been a lot happening in life, albeit maybe not as much as happened this summer when Dolly and I were on the road together and explored the western U.S. and western and central Canada. But the fact remains I've been lax in keeping this blog up to date. I have to thank my friend Frank Klock for reminding me that I need to keep writing here, and I will.

One thing I'm going to do differently, though, is use this blog for a different purpose than I had before. As with my Web site and the previous version of my blog, I've been using this blog as a journal and a way to share the happenings of my life with anyone interested in reading about them. Rather than continue down that path, however, I think I'm going to update this blog with some regularity (but not likely daily). And when I do its content will deal more with the various ramblings of my mind in addition to the events of daily life. So my writings will likely be more sporadic but will be deeper in terms of content.

All that said I'm pleased to say that life in general is going pretty well lately. It seems I've finally kicked an illness or series of illnesses that have plagued me for the past couple of months and I'm in a state of good health again. Life is busy as always and busy in a good way. For the past few months I've been working as a computer support specialist (which, considering the work I'm doing, appears to be a misnomer) for SDSU's Diversity Office and Honors College. Most of what I've done in such a position is update and build new pages for the Honors College Web site. I've also worked on developing a new structure for the new Diversity Office Web site, which I'm hoping will be ready to go by the time the existing Diversity site goes offline.

Outside of work I've continued doing research on cars and car modifications and have continued to learn as much as I can about the financial markets and business in general. I haven't been as busy musically as I have in the past since retiring from the Lilacs/Sansarc and the Bluebirds a few months ago, but I've been working on music more with my buddy Dan Merchant and with the Methodist church Praise Team. The last gig I played with the Praise Team was this past Sunday and I'll play with the group on Sunday morning. Dan and I haven't played any gigs lately, but we have gotten together about once a week to work on music. And jamming and working on music with Dan has given me opportunities to try out different percussion equipment such as the Sonor Force 3005 drumkit I picked up a couple of months ago.

I haven't done a whole lot of writing or taken many photos lately, but I'm sure I'll pursue both avenues more once winter really sets in and I'm forced to spend more time indoors. In reality I've actually written quite a bit; most of the writing has simply involved writing e-mails, writing content for the Honors College Web site, and the like. The same goes for photos; the last photos I really took were during my latest visit to Wiky, which was a couple of months ago now. Most of those photos came from a hike Dolly and I took at Cup and Saucer.

Speaking of Dolly, my anticipation of seeing her again continues to grow as Christmas draws near. Dolly won't be able to spend Christmas with us again this year because her daughter Angel is expecting her first child around that time. So what I'm planning to do now is spend Christmas with my dad and Uncle Clark and then head for Wikwemikong the following day. And assuming everything jives with my work schedule I'm planning on spending a couple of weeks in Northern Ontario. I truly cannot wait to see Dolly and my Wiky friends and family again, and I'm truly grateful to have received a blessing like Dolly on my journey through life. I've enjoyed all the time we've spent together during the time we've known each other, and I hope we'll continue to have many good times for many more years to come.

So many sights, so many miles ...

Sorry, folks, for taking a while to upload new pictures from our trip and to tell more stories of our adventures; our Internet connections have been unreliable at best the past several days and tonight is the first time I've had a good connection.

I checked the Civic's trip odometer this evening before unloading the car and saw that Dolly and I have driven about 3,100 miles already on this trip. And we've accrued those miles while spending time in a number of states ... South Dakota, Wyoming, Utah, Nevada, and Califonia thus far. I imagine Dolly and I will add Oregon, Washington, and North Dakota to the list before the end of this grand voyage across the West.

Tonight Dolly and I are overnighting near a town called Los Banos. Dolly and I welcome the stop for the night because it's been such an awesome and overwhelming day. It's hard to believe that fewer than 12 hours ago Dolly and I were having breakfast in Las Vegas. Now we're in central California after spending a day tooling around Los Angeles and cooling our heels for a bit in Venice beach. It's amazing what all we've seen and done in the space of the day.

Of course pretty much every day of the trip has been just as full as today has been. First we spent three days in the Black Hills of South Dakota and checked out various sights and attractions there. After that we spent a day driving across eastern and southern Wyoming on our way to Nephi, Utah, where we spent the night. We then proceeded to Las Vegas, where we spent the past three days. There truly is so much to see and do at each location that Dolly and I haven't been able to even scratch the surface of what fun and adventures lie in wait at each place. But the purpose of our trip hasn't been to comprehensively enjoy each stop ... this trip is meant to serve only as a survey of what beauty, landscapes, and landmarks await in the American and Canadian Wests.

We've seen and done so much in the past several days that it's hard to put everything down ... especially when I rely solely on my memory. Fortunately the photos Dolly and I have taken are worth at least a thousand words a piece and will help tell the story. Though I'm struggling to condense everything tonight (especially after a full day of driving through the snarls of Los Angeles freeway traffic!), the experiences I've shared with Dolly on this trip will remain with me for a long time to come.

In the meantime and as I jog my memory regarding the events of the past few days, you can check out photos of our adventures in our public photo albums on Facebook. Links to the albums are below:

Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=110131&id=654181853&l=13f44b3287

Black Hills July 2009 - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=108969&id=654181853&l=01c1db80c7

The first leg of another great adventure

Dolly and I are in the Black Hills again; I've lost track of how many times we've been here before. But no matter - the important thing is that we're here and that we're both enjoying ourselves and are living life to the fullest. And this stop in the Black Hills is just the first leg of a larger adventure. Our latest adventure will hopefully take us as far as Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon, the Pacific coast, Vancouver, and western Canada before returning us to Brookings.

Today has been our first full day in the Black Hills this time 'round. Dolly and I began our day where it more-or-less ended yesterday ... in Deadwood. After getting cleaned up and gathering plenty of water and soda to drink, Dolly and I jumped on I-90 and headed west toward Sturgis. My first thought had been to go to Deadwood via the Nemo Road, but I decided to take the Interstate instead because I was concerned we wouldn't make the Four Aces breakfast buffet in time.

Dolly and I finished our breakfast and then decided to play the slots for a while longer. Our play lasted perhaps 20 minutes and then we were on the road to Bear Butte. Highway 14a between Deadwood and Sturgis is still under construction, but the areas that weren't being worked on were nice and traffic was light. The blacktop looks fresh and I'm sure the entire stretch of highway will be nice once it's finished.

As with the rest of our trip our plans for Bear Butte were flexible. Dolly and I had considered the possibility of hiking to the top but elected instead to rest and reflect at the mountain's base for a bit. A clear sky and plenty of sunshine awaited us overhead and the day was still. After we hung out for a bit, Dolly and I took a bit of a hike into an area that was probably restricted; no one seemed to mind, though. We walked down a driveway leading to what I assume is a caretaker's house and then found a lone young buffalo bull standing on the other side of the fence. Both Dolly and I are fond of buffalo and we felt it was safe to approach, so Dolly and I took pictures of the young bull for a bit. He appeared to be in good shape, but we did notice several sores on his right flank and that he'd been branded.

We stopped for fuel at a Conoco station on Highway 34 before setting our sights on Devils Tower. Even with some of the hot rodding and hard driving I've done lately, I still managed almost 32 miles per gallon for the tank. It would be nice if the Civic Si returned even higher mileage figures, but I can't complain if the car returns more than 30 mpg consistently.

Dolly and I had thought to take the Interstate as far as we could to Devils Tower, but I decided taking the back roads would be more fun. We exited at Highway 111 toward Aladdin and followed the back roads all the way to the monument. Driving the back road was as fun and challenging as I remember, but I could have done without the road construction on many parts of the drive. I guess it's true that we have two seasons in South Dakota and in this part of the country in general ... winter and road construction.

After we arrived we spent a lot of time hanging out around the Devils Tower Trading Post. We didn't spent that much time in the trading post itself, but we did walk around the grounds. Most of our time around the grounds was spent checking out some horses corralled nearby. We've seen before that horseback rides are a possibility at the tower, but no one was around to assist us with such a service. So Dolly and I had to content ourselves with checking out the horses before heading in to the monument.

The base of the monument was busy as always and so was the trail that circled it. It's been about a year since Dolly and I have walked the trail, yet we both had clear memories of what it looked like and where it led. I'm not sure if it was because of the elevation above sea level or other factors, but walking the trail required a good deal of effort. Exerting effort like that is good, thought, and we both felt good walking the trail and after we finished. Along the way we caught plenty of glimpses of people scaling the tower and even briefly visited with a trio of people who are planning to climb the tower early tomorrow morning.

Once Dolly and I finished with Devils Tower we returned to Rapid City and we've remained here ever since. We checked out various restaurants once we arrived back in town and ultimately settled on Denny's. All we've done since is return to the hotel to swim in a packed pool and then relax in our room.

Before leaving on this trip, both Dolly and I felt nervous about the sheer scale of this journey we're undertaking. Now that we're actually on the road, however, it seems that our nervousness has abated. We're just going with the flow, and we're confident we'll be able to make everything work as we make our way across the U.S. and Canada. It's been a great trip so far, and I'm sure it will only get better.

Corvette offroading, Wiky style

Hot day on the rez

It's official; summer is finally here. And I can't think of any place where that's more true than here at Wikwemikong. It's a very still day with a mixture of sun and clouds, and it's very, very hot. Last I checked, which was over the noon hour as Dolly and I were headed to Andy's for lunch, it was close to 90 degrees.

The heat definitely contrasts with the weather we experienced in South Dakota until fairly recently. Even a few weeks ago the air felt cool and damp and many of us wondered when summer would begin. We received our answer this past weekend, however, and it looks like summer is here to stay ... for a few months, at least.

It seems as though there aren't any places here at Wiky that have air conditioning, so I've had to find ways to beat the heat in other ways. Actually I have been able to get a little taste of air-conditioned comfort, but only when cruising around in the car with the top up and the A/C on full blast. The best way to beat the heat on a day like this, however, is to take a dip in the cool, clear waters of Lake Huron. Dolly and I did that yesterday evening and we'll do it again this afternoon as soon as Dolly finishes with work. Judging by the clock that time is fewer than two hours away and can't come fast enough as far as I'm concerned.

Roughly nine weeks have passed since I last set foot on Manitoulin Island; it's hard to believe it's been that long since my last visit. But absence makes the heart grow fonder, or so they say. And judging by the rush of happiness I felt when I arrived in Wiky, I wholeheartedly agree with that axiom. It's good to be here among so many friends and family. And it's a good feeling to know that my summer adventures are only beginning.

Being away from people and a place I cherish so much for two months may sound unpleasant, but it really hasn't been that bad. I've certainly kept busy between my last visit and now, and all the activity has caused time to blur. I've kept busy with tying up loose ends regarding the SDSU Festival of Cultures, rehearsed and played a few gigs with a new (to me) band, and have done a lot with autocrossing. Fortunately the majority of the summer lies ahead. But it's hard to believe that already June has almost come and gone. My, how time flies.

Lots and lots of changes

It's taken me a bit longer than I had planned or promised, but I've finally taken some time to collect my thoughts and post them to this blog. Meanwhile I've been so busy with other projects (i.e., the SDSU Festival of Cultures, rediscovering my love music, etc.) that I've gotten even lazier when it comes to updating this blog. But the time for getting back to writing has finally come.

So much has happened since I last wrote - really wrote - here that it's hard to know where to begin. With that in mind I think I'll start from when I started making some important changes in my life.

A couple of months ago, I was where I am now; I was in Wiky visiting Dolly and her family. That was a great trip, just as all my trips to Wiky were great. Unfortunately that trip didn't have the best ending. But the less-than-ideal ending turned out to be a blessing because it spurred me to make some positive changes in my overall health.

The illness I experienced during my last few days in Wiky wasn't severe, but it was bad enough that I didn't feel normal for the following three weeks. I was sick on the road and felt ill when I returned home. Meanwhile I started thinking more seriously about steps I can take to keep myself as healthy as I can for as long as I can. Among the largest changes were improving my diet and incorporating even more exercise into my life. I haven't been as faithful to my new diet as I would like, but I can say I've found a happy medium. I've adopted a policy of moderation in all I eat and drink. Such a policy of moderation along with greater levels of aerobic exercise and weight training has yielded benefits already. I feel better in general and I sleep much better at night. I no longer struggle in getting to sleep and staying asleep.

Apart from changing my diet and exercise habits, I've also done a lot of experimenting in the realm of music. More specifically, the fire of my love for music has been sparked again. And the sparking of the flame has come from the fact that I've enjoyed playing music a lot more lately. The diet, exercise, and musical changes I've made lately may be interrelated, but only time will tell.

Much of my musical experimentation has dealt with the more physical or ergonomic aspects of playing drums. In jamming with my buddy Dan, rehearsing and performing with the First United Methodist Church Praise Team, and jamming with The Lilacs, I've been paying more attention to how my body feels and responds to the ways I have my drums and cymbals positioned. For a long time I've struggled with finding comfortable playing positions despite the fact I've played drums for 22 years now. Lately, though, I've been working on putting my drums and cymbals within easier reach so that striking each doesn't require as much effort or putting strain on my back. I don't have my "perfect" setup just yet, but I've been more comfortable playing drums of late than I have been in years. And increased comfort has led me to much greatest satisfaction in playing drums in a variety of musical situations. My enthusiasm for drums and music has returned, and I'm really grateful for that.

A third and final change I've been working encompasses virtually ever aspect of my life. I've worked on not taking the events of my life quite so seriously and have been working on being more relaxed as I go through life. A big part of relaxing and enjoying life more has involved not worrying or thinking about the future so much. It's part of my nature to always look ahead and to try to anticipate what may be waiting for me on the horizon. At the same time, I need to do a better job of taking things as they come and not worrying unnecessarily. One thing I have been doing better lately, though, has been in being more optimistic and having a "can-do" attitude. I certainly wouldn't call such an attitude arrogant, but I really am starting to see the value in being confident in one's ability to handle what comes one's way. Life is easier when one has such an outlook on life, and I think it helps make one stronger. Time will tell if my thoughts and feelings on the subject are true, but something within me already tells me that they are. Life is already better, and I'll do all I can to continue moving forward and living the best life I can. For every challenge, there is a solution.

Two months ... wow ...

I see that's it's been about two months since I've posted anything to this blog. It's not good that I've let this blog go unattended for so long. But there have been plenty of developments in life as of late, and I promise I'll do a better job at keeping this blog updated as soon as I can.

In the meantime, please know that I appreciate everyone out there who looks in on this blog from time to time. Words and pictures I've posted to this blog have, admittedly, been largely for my own record-keeping. But the kind of writings posted to this blog are pretty pointless without an audience, and I want you all to know I appreciate your patience and keeping tabs on what's been happening on my end of things.

More to come soon ...

Taking a bit of a break

It's hard to believe that it's already been more than a month since I last wrote here. At the same time, though, it's not all that surprising. Life has been full of activity lately, and I recently drove about 6,000 miles during my holiday break. So I've definitely been busy, but it's not as though every waking moment has been filled. I just haven't made that much time for posting to this blog or writing anywhere else. My lack of recent blog posts is going to change, though, now that I'm getting back to the swing of things.

My writing life is coming back slowly, but my hiatus is already effectively over. I've already started doing some writing for the 2009 SDSU Festival of Cultures, and I've resumed work on my next book. At this point I have no idea when the book may be published, but work has resumed. My current thought is to start from the scratch with the book. I will continue to use my journals as source material, but I will write the book from the perspective of someone who's had a chance to reflect on the experiences he's had. Meanwhile I'm continuing to sell and promote my leukemia memoir. Working on sales had entailed finding ways to further publicize the book and to become involved with the 2009 South Dakota Festival of the Book this coming fall.

Outside of working on the book, I've been entertaining the possibility of writing for and doing some editing on the Siouxland Car Council's magazine. At this point things are still up in the air, in terms of what the council is looking for from me and how I'll be compensated. But I'm sure we'll be able to come to some kind of agreement.

In the meantime, I'm feeling good and doing all I can to take care of myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Doing so has entailed intensifying my exercise routine, working on my diet, and learning to think more positive thoughts - including about myself. At the same time I have to remember that good health and happiness aren't destinations ... they're processes. And like any process, there will be periods of advancing and retreating. But the overall trend will be forward and upward. It helps that I'm not alone in such an endeavor; I have so many wonderful family and friends like Dolly, and for all that and then I'm truly grateful.